Attorney-General (Cth) v Ronald the Troll & Ors

KANGAROO COURT OF AUSTRALIA

Attorney-General (Cth) v Ronald the Troll & Ors

[1996] KCA 1

Judgment of the Honourable Chief Justice Windbag

(By virtue of the Community Harmony Act 1993 (Cth), the Attorney-General may bring actions “in the public interest” against troll parties (s 33) - Ed)

WINDBAG CJ: This is an action in trespass by the Attorney-General for the Commonwealth of Australia. The Attorney-General complains that a family of trolls are unlawfully occupying the toll booths at the Southern end of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He applies for an order directing the trolls to vacate the toll booths immediately.

It seems that the trolls commenced occupation of the booths during refurbishment of the facilities in October 1995 and have resisted any attempts at relocation since then. The Court was informed that the trolls are now operating the booths and are charging exorbitant fees to motorists wishing to cross the bridge.

One of the trolls appeared before the Court to present a case on behalf of the troll family. This troll, who introduced himself to the Court as “Ron the Bullshitter”, refused to take the oath and was generally evasive under cross-examination. “Ron” explained to the Court that the trolls were lawfully occupying the booths because they owned them. It was said that the trolls, in fact, owned the entire bridge because they had built it. When pressed for further information, “Ron” said that he could not recall the exact details of the construction but said he distinctly remembered erecting one of the arches himself.

I did not find “Ron” to be an impressive witness. I formed the opinion that he was prepared to embellish the truth to suit his own case. Accordingly, I do not accept his evidence where it conflicts with the Attorney-General’s evidence.

Specifically, I find that the trolls do not have any proprietary right in the toll booths or the bridge. This is hardly surprising, since the bridge exists on Commonwealth land. I decline to make any finding in relation to the submission by “Ron” that the Commonwealth of Australia should not be recognised at law. Precedent exists to the contrary and I am bound to follow it.

I accept that trolls have traditionally had a special affinity with bridges, toll booths and the general obstruction of the lawful passage of persons and vehicles. However, it should be respectfully noted that such functions are rapidly becoming obsolete with the advent of high speed multi-lane motorways which do not easily lend themselves to disruption by trolls. With the number of troll fatalities on roads nearly doubling in the past decade, this Court can hardly be expected to condone the continuing involvement of trolls in the road system.

As the trolls have failed to establish any proprietary right over any part of the bridge, it follows that their occupation of the toll booths is unlawful. I make a declaration to that effect and order the trolls to vacate the booths within seven days.

***Judgment reprinted with the exclusive permission of the Kangaroo Court. Copyrights remain with the original author.