Martha Stewart - No Tea For You

British immigration authorities have denied design and culinary guru Martha Stewart entry into England for a business trip. The reason cited for their decision is her American criminal record, wherein she was convicted a couple of years ago for some stock related activities and sentence to jail for 6 months. A UK Border Agency spokesperson commented, "We continue to oppose the entry to the UK of individuals where we believe their presence in the United Kingdom is not conducive to the public good or where they have been found guilty of serious criminal offences abroad."

Now how in the world is banning Martha Stewart conducive to the public good?!?

England is currently a hotbed of underground terrorist activity.  Suicide bombers have set off explosives in the London Underground. Other individuals are on trial for plotting to use soft drink bottles to blow up aeroplanes.

What is the authorities’ problem with Martha Stewart? Do they fear that in between business meetings Martha will sneak into Buckingham Palace at night and re upholster the Queen’s throne? Or I suppose there is good reason to be concerned that she may descend upon Hyde Park and before a speaker at Speaker’s corner can shout “Death to Denmark”, she’ll whip up a batch of crumpets. That would be brutal.  

Or just maybe the British are worried about Martha returning to her old ways and repeating her crimes for which she no doubt has a propensity. Perhaps Scotland Yard has it on good authority  that the first thing Martha Stewart will do once she leaves Heathrow is head straight downtown, go to a stockbroker and dump her Enron shares. As a tourist in London I would certainly lose sleep knowing my security is threatened by a woman like that.

Then again, maybe the British powers that be know things about Martha Stewart the rest of us do not. Maybe they are onto something. 

Or maybe this is just England. And so, to the nation that is likely the epicentre of eccentricity with villages bearing names such as “Piddletrenthide” and “Crapstone” or characters such as the Marquis of Bath, who had 64 mistresses, whom he referred to as “wifelets”, (visit http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2008/01/eccentrics200801), I can only say, “Hail Britannia”.