We Have No Banana Jokes Today
Wednesday, November 21, 2007 at 00:00
By Marcel Strigberger
I recently read that it is a crime in Zimbabwe to make fun of the President's name. His name by the way is Canaan Banana.
The Law and Order Maintenance Act, 1983 makes it an offense to thus undermine the authority of a head of state, an the offence is punishable by up to five years in jail.
Now that's a stiff penalty for making fun of a name.
Before I go on, I wish to announce that it is not my intention to offend readers who might be called "Banana". I looked through the Toronto white pages telephone book and found not a single Banana inside.
Now we all know what happens in a place the moment a good or a service becomes prohibited; it becomes more popular and in greater demand than ever before. Banana jokes are no exception. The more they are repressed, the more people will indulge in them.
I recently ran into a former member of the Zimbabwe Secret Service(ZSS), one William Pineapple. He related to me that in Zimbabwe there is a large underground movement whose aim it is to legalize and disseminate Banana jokes. Anyone caught by the authorities could be charged under the Banana Joke Control Act with trafficking in Banana jokes, which carries with it a maximum penalty of 5 years in jail.
In addition the accused is then taken to the capital city's public square and before a mob of people he is humiliated by Canaan himself who cracks jokes about the name of the defendant. It seems His Excellency recently brought down the square joking about a foreign sales woman called McDonald--Harry McDonald.
Would be jokers in Zimbabwe have another problem. There are very few humourists and comics residing in Zimbabwe and accordingly most of the Banana jokes must be imported.
Furthermore the Zimbabweans needing a Banana joke fix can't get much help from neighbouring countries. There too, social and political climates do not make fertile grounds for the spawning of Banana jokes. Botswana for example has very little comedy activity of its own let alone enough to export.
Generally speaking Botswanians are not known for their sense of humour although urban residents do laugh uncontrollably whenever someone trips over elephant dung.
Same thing with Mozambique to the East; a dearth of gag writers. In Mozambique they think the Indian Ocean is funny. Their sense of humour is very suspect in any event as a recent survey in that country found that most Mozambiquens consider the funniest television show ever to be "Hee Haw".
Accordingly there has developed an illicit Banana joke import trade in Zimbabwe with a network spanning the globe.
The ZSS has enlisted the services of Interpol, which recently uncovered a nest of comedy writers in Marseilles, producing Banana jokes for export. The writers were mysteriously tipped off and got away but the Gendarmes confiscated six typewriters, 228 pencils, and 5742 sheets of paper, enough to write over 2000 Banana jokes.
Customs security at Zimbabwe's Harare International Airport have been put on special alert to be on the look out for Banana joke smugglers. Officials at the Airport last month caught a Canadian trying to enter the country with 500 Banana jokes.
The man would have got through undetected but for the alertness of an astute custom's official who decided to carefully examine and inspect the man's three rubber chickens.
The Canadian Department of External Affairs is also investigating the situation.
Canada in fact is now in the process of entering into a bilateral treaty with Zimbabwe whereby all those convicted under the Law and Maintenance Act or similar legislation will be permitted to serve their sentences in Federal Penitentiaries in Canada.
Penitentiary officials are trying to implement special custodial facilities for those accused in order to segregate them from the general prison population lest these accused make the others laugh.
All in all anyone traveling to Zimbabwe this summer better be forewarned. If you must make Banana jokes make them before you get off the plane. Do not, I repeat, do not, if stopped by a police officer for a traffic offense or otherwise say to him,
"Take me to your top banana."
Footnote: Former President Banana was convicted by a court in Zimbabwe in 1998 of sodomy and related sexual charges. Yes, Zimbabwe does have banana jokes today.
I recently read that it is a crime in Zimbabwe to make fun of the President's name. His name by the way is Canaan Banana.
The Law and Order Maintenance Act, 1983 makes it an offense to thus undermine the authority of a head of state, an the offence is punishable by up to five years in jail.
Now that's a stiff penalty for making fun of a name.
Before I go on, I wish to announce that it is not my intention to offend readers who might be called "Banana". I looked through the Toronto white pages telephone book and found not a single Banana inside.
Now we all know what happens in a place the moment a good or a service becomes prohibited; it becomes more popular and in greater demand than ever before. Banana jokes are no exception. The more they are repressed, the more people will indulge in them.
I recently ran into a former member of the Zimbabwe Secret Service(ZSS), one William Pineapple. He related to me that in Zimbabwe there is a large underground movement whose aim it is to legalize and disseminate Banana jokes. Anyone caught by the authorities could be charged under the Banana Joke Control Act with trafficking in Banana jokes, which carries with it a maximum penalty of 5 years in jail.
In addition the accused is then taken to the capital city's public square and before a mob of people he is humiliated by Canaan himself who cracks jokes about the name of the defendant. It seems His Excellency recently brought down the square joking about a foreign sales woman called McDonald--Harry McDonald.
Would be jokers in Zimbabwe have another problem. There are very few humourists and comics residing in Zimbabwe and accordingly most of the Banana jokes must be imported.
Furthermore the Zimbabweans needing a Banana joke fix can't get much help from neighbouring countries. There too, social and political climates do not make fertile grounds for the spawning of Banana jokes. Botswana for example has very little comedy activity of its own let alone enough to export.
Generally speaking Botswanians are not known for their sense of humour although urban residents do laugh uncontrollably whenever someone trips over elephant dung.
Same thing with Mozambique to the East; a dearth of gag writers. In Mozambique they think the Indian Ocean is funny. Their sense of humour is very suspect in any event as a recent survey in that country found that most Mozambiquens consider the funniest television show ever to be "Hee Haw".
Accordingly there has developed an illicit Banana joke import trade in Zimbabwe with a network spanning the globe.
The ZSS has enlisted the services of Interpol, which recently uncovered a nest of comedy writers in Marseilles, producing Banana jokes for export. The writers were mysteriously tipped off and got away but the Gendarmes confiscated six typewriters, 228 pencils, and 5742 sheets of paper, enough to write over 2000 Banana jokes.
Customs security at Zimbabwe's Harare International Airport have been put on special alert to be on the look out for Banana joke smugglers. Officials at the Airport last month caught a Canadian trying to enter the country with 500 Banana jokes.
The man would have got through undetected but for the alertness of an astute custom's official who decided to carefully examine and inspect the man's three rubber chickens.
The Canadian Department of External Affairs is also investigating the situation.
Canada in fact is now in the process of entering into a bilateral treaty with Zimbabwe whereby all those convicted under the Law and Maintenance Act or similar legislation will be permitted to serve their sentences in Federal Penitentiaries in Canada.
Penitentiary officials are trying to implement special custodial facilities for those accused in order to segregate them from the general prison population lest these accused make the others laugh.
All in all anyone traveling to Zimbabwe this summer better be forewarned. If you must make Banana jokes make them before you get off the plane. Do not, I repeat, do not, if stopped by a police officer for a traffic offense or otherwise say to him,
"Take me to your top banana."
Footnote: Former President Banana was convicted by a court in Zimbabwe in 1998 of sodomy and related sexual charges. Yes, Zimbabwe does have banana jokes today.
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© 2007 Marcel Strigberger. This article CANNOT be copied or reproduced in any way without the expressed written consent of the Author.
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